The Dork Knight

MEMEMEMEME! Finally! None of that Batman or that borish DA taking up MY time. I think they forget that GOTHAM is MY town.

I see you found my little present. How cute of you to put it online for the rest of my minions to see. I really didn't have a lot of time, as I acquired the print under the most auspicious of circumstances. Shame that little pro-ject-ion-ist wouldn't cooperate properly. Seems that YOU had a much easier time in acquiring my little gifts than I did in making it for you. I DO expect that you'll return the favor -- at some point.





HAHAHA! The artistry! Yes, I did that with my own hands. Oscar winner? For certain!

I left the blood splatters in, just for you, dear friends. For I know you'd truly appreciate my work.

And let's be honest, it's breathtaking. The faces, the words - perfect rhyme and reason. Cut the fat I say! Why have to watch the boring parts. I'll tell you what they are. After all, you're all there to see me, right?

I *supppose* you could watch that boring bland Brucey-Batman all neat and clean. Pretend little world for his pretend little life. But I know better. So do you. What he's really like. The depths of his PSY-CHOSIS! HAHAHAHAH! Oh Batsy, I DO know a great doctor.

Sanity is never saner for the insane, I say.

Good work, my minions. And remember...

Rich People Suck.

Smile!

-J

The Dark Joker

A World Without Rules?!?!? Why that sounds right up my alley! HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!

Dashing poster I think, there's just one problem...

WHERE AM I?!?!?!? Up until now I have been most pleased and impressed with the cute little marketing campaign that has been going on, the thousands of my minions that have been running amuck, dressed as me, doing my dirty little deeds, but this THIS is too much!

I am weeping into my Batman pillow case. It's a terrible, terrible tragedy, not a spark of green hair, not an inch of purple coat, NOTHING! Where is my darling when I need him most? When YOU need him most? I find this to be unacceptable.

I say we put a stop to this. Enough with Harvey Dent and Batman (well...on second thought!) its time to bring ME back!

This is the year of ME, ME AND HIM, HE AND I! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

-J

Recycle, Reduce, Reuse!

Hello citizens of Gotham!

Friends, I need your help. It seems I have been misled by all the signs I have seen plastered to the lamp posts and storefronts in fair Gotham . Oh yes, I have been on a little midnight stroll or two as of late, and I can't help but see that all of Gotham is going green.

GREEN YOU SAY?!? What a delightful thing to hear!

I was momentarily startled by this. As you know I don't suffer fools gladly (well that's a lie!), but true enough there is only one man who has my proverbial blessing to act in my stead. So this Going Green movement has me concerned that my visage was being used for some farce. Farce Farce Farce!

But as you all know my patience has its limits. I was about to take matters into my own hands, when I overheard some poor excuse for breathing talking thing called a human being speaking to it's friend about the environment. Oh god. These fools really do believe in all that? Caring about the earth? Saving it? Recycling? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gasp and awe!

It was so disappointing to realize that all this going green nonsense, which once held such promise was now for something as mundane and pedestrian as plastic and flowers? Yawn.

But you know Mr. J is always a good sport about group activities!

So out I went, twine and knife in hand, dressed in purple overalls with my very own GOING GREEN gluten free and organic SAVE THE WHALES burlap bag slung proudly my shoulder over the hills and far away. Anything to protect Mother Earth! A little clean-up in the neighborhood is always a good thing, right? And I knew exactly where to go. HEE HEE HEE!

You see, Ms. Dawes, she has friends. And if she has friends, then that annoying up and coming DA has friends. Either way, I figured they’d appreciate my civic actions. Especially when it concerned people near and dear to them. Time to pick up trash in this godforsaken city you filthy bums! All together now!

You can help me dear Earth Loving citizens of Gotham! Join me in my efforts to save Mother Earth by going green, each and everyone of you! You can start today!

Sign here to become one of Mr. J's minions! (Green hair optional, recycling at your own definition and discretion please and thank you!)Heal The World,
-J

There Is But One

Whilst flipping through my copy of The Gotham Times I stumbled upon something quite amusing.

Quote:

Heath Ledger, so consumed by his role as The Joker found it hard to distinguish fact from fiction when it came to portraying the character…

Fact or fiction, fact or fiction, fools! I happen to know Mr. Ledger very well; he’s a dear friend of mine and it is with great sadness that I report that he is in fact unfortunately nothing like yours truly. He was a fine man, upstanding and pathetically amusing in a kind and bashful sort of way! HA! Bashful, as if he had any reason to be.

I could only wish that my dear friend was a mirror image of myself but alas, it isn’t so. I would like to know where such idiots are gathering this “information.” The press! Run by morons since the beginning of time!

And as if my words were not proof enough, I had a few my minions on set during this little filming process that said nothing but nice (oh nice indeed!) things about one Mr. Ledger. I shook my head and shooed them away, not impressed and not overly pleased with the news of his generosity and…kindness. Even stopping to talk to them, to give them a smile (his own, not mine) and to scold their naughtiness as they crossed the street as opposed to doing the right thing and running the poor dears over full speed ahead! Sigh….

In conclusion darlings, there is but one Joker and there is but one mind possessed by evil thoughts and doings, a mind that belongs to me and only me.

Look at that. A face only millions could love.

At the end of the day Dear Readers, he takes the make up off, the green hair becomes blonde and the lips become whole. Perhaps it the world and not my dear Mr. L who needs to learn the difference between fact, and fiction.

Smile!

As best you can.

-J

Make A Wish

Greetings, Creeps and Clowns.

I know it has only been mere days since I've last updated, but today's an exceptional day, and my old cold heart is fair candlelit with glee as this night I am to have a very special guest over to my humble abode. It's a celebration of sorts, a dear friend is turning another year stranger, another year wiser.

Ah, no, it is not Batty, I regret to report, though it is someone who is almost as keen of interest to us all, and who in point of fact has been very instrumental in my plans to thwart the Winged One's endeavors in our fair City.

Oh we shall enjoy the usual games tonight, those of the knife and the blade, wine of a particular vintage, and a confection prepared with a very special sort of ingredient, or two. For I know how to wine and dine a guest, I do.

Who is this Honourable Guest, you might ask? Well, I shall leave it to your imagination to discern the answer to this interesting question; for after all, it is only an imprudent clown who kisses and tells.

And alas, we wish some things were only jokes after all.


-J

I'm Changing My Ways...

Oh friends! Loyal followers. Spring is in the air, the flowers are in bloom, and I, yes I, feel the need for a little spring cleaning.

See, I think I've been a little...difficult as of late. And it hasn't gotten me anywhere with my dear Batsy.

So, I believe it's time to reform. Out with the old, in with the new! Time to move out of Gotham, take a nice little house in the country, sit on the porch and perhaps, just maybe, Batsy will see fit to visit?


And if not? Oh well. He never really was that important to my happiness anyway. Because friends, we all know happiness comes from within. Smiles aren't just skin deep, after all.

I've found a delightful little place, perfect for decorating. And the money? Well, that's not a problem. Reformed yes, but foolish, never!

But don't worry, my internet friends. I shall soon bring you posts about the newest flowers in bloom in my garden, or the variations of summer tomatoes that I will plant soon.

And I mean it this time. After all, I am a man of my word.

Scout's Honor!

-J